For once, and in the most unexpected place, things were going right. It was
The monster from the pond had died in Thalmir's firestorm, assisted shortly after by his own. With that, it had been fished out, its acidic tentacles chopped away, and, in an incredible stroke of luck, its central body found to be made of edible meat. Just to be sure, Anikus had tried every purifying spell he could muster on it. It was as safe of food, and as good of food, as they were going to get here. Not that that was negative. Though the texture of a couple parts were marbly, and there were a couple of anatomical surprises, it was the best any of them had eaten in days, pemmican and rations excepted, and there weren't any hallucinogenic drugs in it this time. Guaranteed. As if that weren't enough, the acid from the monster's tentacles had been saved in a number of Anikus' space vials. After all, you never knew when that kind of thing could be useful.
As he ate his rather garishly spiced meat, rather ravenously, he looked to his comrades. He loved them, even if they hated him. In some ways, he knew it was simply the joy at realizing that death was avoidable, provided they didn't all keel over due to some horrible jungle parasite. But on another level, a deeper and less incidental level, he meant it. Particularly surprising had been Thalmir's change of heart. But he estimated that, given what they'd went through back there with the Entity, there were lots of changes of heart. He himself had been shocked to his very core. In some ways, he wondered about exactly what that had showed him. Yes, he was a loyalist. That was a fact. But was that all he was? Was his personality, his whole being, so easily summed up as "scum-sucking sycophancy", as the Entity had pronounced it?
He knew intellectually that it wasn't. He served the Crown for noble reasons, didn't he? ... Didn't he? Of course he did. He'd seen the notes, the briefings, the ideas about what might lay beyond. What he was doing was necessary; Her Majesty had deemed it so with the best information available to the Empire at the time. But at the same time, he couldn't help a sort of emptiness emerging. Maybe it was just the Entity's demonic words, the end result of the psychological gauntlet he'd been through in the past several days. But he couldn't help a guilt; not only out of his treatment of the party, but out of a realization that he was taking orders, the quest was not his own. That someone in Londivm, no matter how noble--in either the bloodline or moral sense of the word--was, indirectly and evidently with great ineptitude, guiding his destiny. Somehow, he began to hate that. He laughed at himself a bit; perhaps this was childish. In fact, he knew it was childish. But couldn't we all be just a little bit childish sometimes?
He longed for some conversation, but he was a bit too busy climbing out of his own internal well.


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